Your daily coffee shop, favorite brunch spot, and go-to fancy dinner restaurant are not subject to any federal food safety standards. Average consumers are instead protected only by the food safety standards of their local regulatory agency, whatever those standards may be. For decades, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s (FDA) approach to food retail establishments has differed from its approach to all other areas within its purview. The lack of federal governance and half-hearted attempt to implement a command-and-control regulatory model have led to a breakdown in food retail regulation. Part I of this Note reviews the history of the FDA’s oversight of the food retail industry and presents the regulatory structure in three American cities. Part II examines the issues that arise from an incomplete federal governance model, including challenges addressing foodborne illness, consumer confusion due to systemic flaws, and implicit bias among food inspectors and consumers. Part III discusses the benefits of federalizing food retail safety and highlights important factors for a successful regulatory scheme.